I’ve come to believe that my role in most of my friends’ and acquaintances’ lives is entirely insignificant. I suppose this is largely because I am not terribly intentional when it comes to friendships. I rarely call, or check up on people to see how they are doing. I don’t have much advice, or insight to give. I don’t communicate emotion in an easy to understand way. I fail to acknowledge the emotions, thoughts, and opinions of others. Ultimately, a Roomba with a photo and an etch n’ sketch taped to it would probably be able to fulfill my role in many of my relationships with little to no consequence.
The intention of this post is not so much to brood on my own failures as much as it is to call into question my, and many others’, social interactions. What do I want my relationships to be like? Why does thinking about many of my friendships depress me? All in all, why am I so bad at showing people that I care about them? DO I actually care about them!?
I know that these questions could be answered, and problems could be fixed by taking a bit of time and getting coffee with people, but frankly, I’m not entirely sure I’d become any more fond of people through face to face interaction. On a few occasions, I’ve actually decided that I don’t like certain people during verbal exchange.
My bitterness is depriving me of more meaningful, and beneficial friendships, I’m sure. I just have to up the ante, and actually ask someone to talk to me over a coffee, or glass of mimosa.
And yes, those are the only beverage options.